


Aimless

by Kaoz



Series: Phade [1]
Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-30
Updated: 2006-10-29
Packaged: 2017-10-19 10:07:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/199685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaoz/pseuds/Kaoz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>#1 Life Usually sucks but in my case it just blows. If I could I’d toast to scraping the bottom of the barrel… but as it is I’m driving and I really don’t like to drink…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. THe Hyperion

**  
_It’s a bad time in her life but not as bad as the future that awaits a new member of AI. Surprises galore for those who enter; “The Hyperion.”_   
**

 

The night had just started and I felt as if I hadn’t slept in a week, not that I’ve ever gone a week without sleep.

My name is Phade Vartan and I find myself in a conundrum of sorts; I should look that word up just so I know I’m using it right.

It’s late, I’m tired and as I look to the passenger seat I can see that he’s already asleep.

Lights flash and I turn my attention back to the street. There’s all kinds of crazy drivers in LA and you can count me in there.

I’m so tired and I don’t have a lot of cash. I’d hate to use the credit card; how would I pay the monthly bill without a job?

“This sucks.”

Yeah, no job and now no place to live, I’m a regular homeless gypsy bouncing around from place to place. Its not like I can go far, he does have to go to school and that’s where my gas goes. That and this, right now, the driving around at night looking for a cheap motel or deciding what friend to drop in on unexpectedly so we can crash on their couch.

“Yeah, this really sucks.”

I stop for a red light and drift off as usual into some daydream where life is perfect and I have no worries. I could spend hours there but then the light changes and the fool in back can’t lay off the horn or stop flashing his lights so it's time to get back to reality.

“Geez, what’s your hurry?”

I’m grouchy-no, I am completely pissed off. But I can’t yell or cry or kick and whine because he’ll wake up and ask me what’s wrong. I look over at him again, sleeping peacefully, his little mouth slightly opened.

I hate seeing him this way, sitting in the car trying to sleep and me just driving around like some aimless, useless… I wonder if there’s even a word to describe me right now.

I re-assure myself as best I can just by smoothing his hair down, feeling the softness of his cheek; I can see him smiling at me and it just makes me want to cry even more.

“Looser.”

Yeah, that’s the word alright- wait. What’s that?

I’m not sure what it is but I like the design already. I can’t tell what color paint it is but its probably white.

“Everything is always white.”

The closer we get the bigger the building becomes and I can see its not just the one building, as I first thought but a series of them all connected to the main entrance. I’m assuming it would be the entrance because now that I’m here I can see the walkway. There’s a tall fence all along the street and I like it too. Its made of stone and covered with vines, the kind that attach themselves on a wall and just grow, tangling themselves until you can’t see where it began or the color of the wall itself.

It’s a beautiful building, old and I wonder what kind of story it would tell.

I slow down considerably as I’m driving by but I can’t find a parking lot. There aren’t even any gates blocking driveways because there aren’t any. But it’s late and I still haven’t found a place for the night but I just can’t help myself so I make another pass and this time I definitely stop at the double gates. Cars blow their horns as I pull over but I don’t care. Their lights flash over the dulled plaque but I can’t read it through the tinted windows.

I’m leaning over the passenger seat squinting through the open window trying to read it when he stirs.

“Hyperion Hotel.”

Hmm, I was looking for a place to sleep for the night. I sit back and stare out the window thinking. Every one is always saying things happen for a reason. I look over at the building again thinking but why not? So what if I can’t afford it? So what if I can’t pay the credit card company back?

“How can my life get any worse?”

 ****

 **  
  
**


	2. Run

**_Who doesn’t run when they’re told too?_ **

****

I walked through the vine-chocked gate hearing the sound of splashing water. It was dark in the pathway but it was wide, I could see that much with the moonlight. The sound of cars passing by faded until it was only a buzzing in the background. Finally, I saw the fountain. It was simple, made of cement, I guessed and painted a slightly orange color though it probably looked much different in the day than right now and I felt as if I’d stepped into some garden. I turned to the fence and saw a bamboo hedge all along this side and up to the steps leading to the front doors.

“I’m sleepy.” He tugged on my jean leaning on my leg as he looked up at me with tired eyes. I felt my chest tighten with feeling and slid my hand over his back pulling him closer. This was not the plan. It wasn’t the life I wanted for him or thought of giving him when I'd left-.

“I know, my boy.” I leaned down and kissed the top of his head feeling like the worst kind of parent. But I knew better, there were other parents just as bad or worse than I could ever be. At least I tried to listen to Sebastián before I thought anything he said was a lie.

 _I have to stop dragging him around, stop feeling sorry for myself and get my shit together. This is so not acceptable._

I thought about _Him_ and walked towards the doors and up the steps before I decided to call _Him_ for any help. It was difficult enough to get away and have _Him_ out of my life not to mention the influence on Sebastián.

“I’m **NOT** calling.” I spoke under my breath so he wouldn’t hear me and went inside. I couldn’t help myself. I just had to look around.

If I had thought the building was beautiful on the outside it was much more on the inside. The lobby had a tall round vaulted ceiling and two staircases heading to the second floor on either side of the door. I wasn’t too keen on the green color, I maybe would have gone some cream or warm earth color but not everyone would agree. Then again what good does one quarter of Interior Design school do for me?

“Not a hell of a lot. That’s what.”

We let the door close behind us and I stepped down wondering where the night clerk was. The door had been open so there had to be some one here. I hitched the strap of my duffel bag higher and took another couple of steps into the lobby calling out but still no one answered.

“Mom?” I turned to look at him; he was half asleep on his feet and leaning on the banister. I smiled. “I know. Let me get a room first okay?” he only nodded too tired to even argue. Where was the night clerk? I turned towards the desk beginning to walk when I heard the light humming voice and stopped at what I saw.

The smile on my face faded as quickly as my brain processed what my eyes were seeing. I shook my head thinking I must be really tired but he was still there.

“I’ll need another martini after this.” It was English; I had definitely heard the green skinned man speak English. Then he turned to us and smiled waving an ax while he reached to pick up a pink drink.

“Oh, hello there are you helpless?” It-he asked me. Of course I wasn’t! I was just having a little bad luck but I wasn’t helpless. And what the hell did it matter?! This _thing_ wasn’t human! It couldn’t be real- I had to be seeing things.

“This isn't real.” I heard the words and the voice was hoarse, as though the person had been screaming only I know I hadn't done any such thing.

“Because we help the helpless. No case is too big to handle!” he took a sip of his drink and began to walk towards us waving the ax. I stumbled against the steps not realizing I had begun to walk away from the green devil until I touched the banister. I felt around until I grabbed Sebastián’s arm and squeezed shoving him towards the doors.

He squeaked awake and stumble himself in the direction I pushed him. Only I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

“Oh, what a cute kid, children love me!” he told me then turned to Sebastián. “Hey, little guy. What’s your name?”

I wasn’t about to let my child get chopped up by this- this-. I had no idea what it was, only that it looked like a devil with those red eyes and horns but I had never imagined the devil with green skin.

I hadn't thought much about anything of the supernatural, hell I ran from it. Everyone had said I was mistaken if not called me an outright liar. But even now I could see-.

I turned to Sebastián still holding his arm in a tight grip. “Run.” I told him. His little face was completely alert now; there was no trace of the sleepy little boy who’d walked in with me. Mentally, I cursed myself for bringing him in here. How could I have been so stupid?

“Run. Now.” I repeated. He nodded eyes wide and I shoved him towards the doors again letting him go. I watched him pull them open and glance back at me before he ran into the night.

Resolutely, I turned to the green devil. I wasn’t a little girl anymore and I certainly wasn’t a frightened teenager. No, I was a Mother now.

“Hey! Where’s he going?” the thing asked me.

“As if you couldn’t tell.” I retorted. Really, was the devil that stupid? “You keep that ax to yourself.” I cried looking for something to defend myself with when he moved closer. I picked up a brownish flowery vase and held it threateningly in my hands feeling so stupid.

 _What the hell is this going to do against his ax?_

Stupidity didn’t have to work both ways. I threw the vase and ran out those doors so fast I didn’t realize what was happening on the pathway. My mind was bringing up different images, memories from my childhood, the street in downtown and-.

Sebastián was screaming! He was screaming and trying to get out of a man’s grasp. If I had been afraid before now I was only pissed off. Nobody put their hands on my son except me and even I didn’t do that unless he really asked for it. I ran faster pulling the strap to my duffel bag off my shoulder.

“HEY!” I yelled.

Startled, the man let go of him and looked up just as I swung the duffle forward. It hit him square in the face.

“Keep your hands off!” I yelled.

I didn’t wait to see if he got up, instead I grabbed Sebastián’s arm and pushed him towards the gate. He was a couple of steps ahead of me when I saw the girl rush in. She blocked the entrance.

Our way out.

Too late I reached for Sebastián to pull him back and missed his backpack.

I watched the girl catch him as he bounced off her legs. She had kept him from falling down and I was thankful for that but she was still holding onto him.

“Let go!” I pushed her back and yanked him away. Before I could push our way past her I was suddenly yanked backward. My arms wind milled trying to keep my balance and smacked something hard. I twisted my body and landed on my side, sitting in the pathway.

“Shit!”

I looked up blowing hair out of my face because the back of my hand was throbbing.

He was black and tall, kind of gangly really. He turned looking really ticked off as he reached for me. I don’t know where I got the idea or even thought I stood a chance of fighting my way out of this. There was a moment where everything just seemed to melt into a single thought, a name, face. And I couldn’t just sit on my ass. I had a responsibility…

I kicked his leg as hard as I could and scrambled to my feet as he yelled. It must’ve hurt, I hoped it had. I grabbed the duffel bag and swung it again but I wasn’t looking when I turned to hit him with it and missed. He shoved me and the weight of the duffel bag carried me along. I let go stumbling and got my balance. When I turned to face him I saw a blur and my face stung. I hit something hard and realized he’d hit me!

 _The fucker hit me!_

What fear was left in me I pushed away and let anger take over. I was always afraid to let go, to really let anger win over. I was afraid I couldn’t control myself if I did but all my guilt about roaming around like some gypsy, the worry over not having a job, and my frustration about the whole situation just boiled over into this rage and I knew exactly where I was going to take it out.

“AAAH!” I screamed; pushing off the column I led with my fist only to have him block me. It pissed me off even more and I kicked then punched with my other hand and kicked again until I hit him a couple of times. I could hear him grunt and my right fist throbbed from hitting his face. It really hurt but I was too angry to stop even after he hit me again.

I was glad of my anger then, of the numbness that went along with it. It was easier to ignore the pain and extremely easy to follow through with the programmed responses years of training had set in my muscles.

I fell against the column and there he held me, squeezing my throat. I panicked thinking he would kill me and then who would take care of Sebastián? I was all he had-no, he was all _I_ had. Because there were plenty of family members who would take him. I had brothers and sisters, my Dad…

I remembered Sebastián telling me about a boy who’d kicked him in school one day. I asked him to show me how he’d been kicked but he said he didn’t want to hurt me and didn’t want to. I laughed saying he didn’t have to hit hard. I just wanted to see what the other boy had done. Convince, he took my upper arms hesitantly, as high as he could reach, and raised his knee to my thigh.

I was angry that the little boy had dared to knee him like that, luckily he’d hit Sebastián’s stomach or else I would have gone looking for the little punk! Bastían’s not the type of boy who picks fights, he likes making friends, loves hanging out with other kids…

I told Sebastián that if it happened again he should get closer to the boy, grab his shirt front and yank him down as hard as he could and bring his knee up at the same time. He’d seemed surprised that I would tell him something like that after so many lectures on why he shouldn’t fight.

I never heard of the little boy trying to hit him again and I hoped he wouldn’t have to fight but he was a boy and boys tended to get into fights much more than girls. Then again this was a totally different situation and I wasn’t a girl anymore.

I let go of his hands and grabbed his shirt. I pulled him as close as I could and rammed my knee into his groin so hard I thought I’d broken something. He didn’t make a sound as he fell on me, his eyes just kind of popped open really wide and his mouth made an ‘o’. I shoved him off and he crumpled to the grass then the skinny girl was on me. I shoved her arm away and pushed while trying to get away from the column. I stumbled over the duffel bag and fell backwards. My back hit the cement walkway so hard I lost my breath a moment.

I could see the stars wink in and out in the night sky and absently wondered if anyone could see me from up there. Abuelita maybe or -.

My hand touched something cold and hard and I looked over. My fingers circled around a heavy metal bar and I pulled it out swinging as I sat up. The girl jumped back and I got to my feet still waving the bar around and looked for my son.

Another man held him in his arms and I could tell that Sebastián had been crying. His face was wet and his eyes were red and puffy.

“Put him down.” I told the man still waving the bar around like it was a sword. I hoped they were afraid of me and if not, at least the bar would make them think twice about jumping me.

“I’m warning you. You’d better not hurt him or I will hurt you!” I looked at the man still carrying my son with as much menace as I could and every second feeling my stomach churn with dread.

Would he hurt him? He was only a child? A little boy; but there were people who liked to hurt children… not just people-.

“Why?” he asked me. I watched as he slowly put my son down though he held him by his shoulder.

“You’re the one doing the hurting, lady.” The black guy scowled at me from his seat on the grass. His voice was just a bit high pitched…

“It’s not my fault you don’t give as good as you get.” I retorted and to my surprise the skinny girl agreed with me. She said something he didn’t let her finish and I was just a little surprised all it took was a look.

Before they could begin to argue, which I could see they might do, the other man shushed them and took another step towards me with my son. I almost let the bar down to reach for him but the door opened and the green skinned devil came out.

“What’s all the fuss about? Oh! Angel cakes! I didn’t expect you back so early.” The devil came down the walkway still holding the ax and the pink drink.

“What the hell-? Unbelievable!” he hadn’t let go of that stupid ax _and_ these people knew that devil!

“What the hell is this?” I asked turning to look at the man with my son. Every one seemed to follow his lead and that’s where I turned to get my answers. This- No!

“We’re not going to hurt you.” He told me. I couldn’t believe it! Did he think I was stupi-?

“Do you think I’m stupid?” I yelled. I pointed to the green thing waving the bar around. “He has an ax!”

The others turned to look and shrugged as if it were normal for a green devil thing to carry around an ax. It wasn’t _normal_ for me, this wasn’t an everyday thing because _these things_ weren't normal. These things shouldn’t exist, they couldn’t and shouldn’t be!

“That’s just Lorne.” The skinny girl told me. My mouth fell open. I could feel my face heat and my hands clutched the bar even tighter.

“I don’t care! He’s green and the horns, red eyes-.” I knew I wasn’t making any sense but these people were getting to me! That _thing_ was bringing up memories I’d struggled years to repress and still couldn’t fully ignore.

“He’s carrying around the ax, waving it, but it’s alright because he’s just Lorne!” I sarcastically replied.

“But he wouldn’t hurt a fly! Really.” She looked at me wide eyed then smiled. I thought maybe they were crazy or at least the girl was. I lowered the bar just slightly when I heard the green man say;

“I’d probably kill the fly, sweetie, but I definitely don’t kill anything bigger.”

“Hhea!” I sort of gasped and turned to look at him once more wondering why he bothered to open his mouth and say that and thanking him for the comment as well because it just re-enforced my first impression of these people.

“You’re all freekin nuts!”

“We won’t hurt you.” The man in black repeated then he let go of Sebastián. As if that would somehow make him more believable. I almost dropped the bar in my haste to hold my boy.

“Put the ax down Lorne.” I watched as the devil set the ax by the door and took a sip of his drink.

“You see?” He asked me but all that proved was that he had a well trained do-demon. Dios mio, he’s a demon… I still wasn’t so sure they weren’t a bunch of psychos, they could all be de-.

“What were you doing here?” His question reminded me how tired I was. I could feel Sebastián tremble as he clung to my leg. I noticed it was kind of cold out side when a light breeze made my skin break out in goose bumps. I wore a green tank over a black one, a pair of jean Capri’s and my white converse. Not exactly warm for a cool night in L.A. Sebastián wasn’t any better off. His arms felt cold in the light t-shirt and I imagined his legs would be as well since he wore board shorts and sandals. The whole situation seemed just a little absurd. I was standing on the path with my son confronted by these- what the hell were they?

“Here I am looking for a hotel to get a room, stay a couple of nights. I drive by this-.”

“It’s not that kind of hotel.” The skinny black guy grumbled.

“You think?” the sarcasm just flowed out coating my words. “All I want is a room. It’s late, we’re tired and I saw this beautiful hotel and of course I probably can’t afford it but hey what’s a credit card for right? I can deal for one night so I pull over anyway. We go inside and no ones there. When I call out for some one I get this-.” I turn to look at him again trying to think what he is but I don’t know. I can’t let what I _think_ mess with my head. “This green skinned, red eyed, horned looking… devil!” I brandish my bar in his direction while I look at the man in black. “He was waving an ax! What was I supposed to do? Let him chop us into little pieces so he could throw us in a pot for stew?”

All I wanted was a room and I get this green looking devil waving an ax around drinking pink margaritas. This- they all said I was seeing things! They said I was making it all up, that I couldn’t-!

Jesus I’m fucking tired!

The man in black looks like he’s loosing his patience while the guy and girl are defending and ‘putting me in my place’ for insulting their green friend. Really, how could my life get any worse?

 ****

***

“Let’s go inside.” The man in black orders and I look at him as if he’s gone out of his mind but then again everything that’s happened so far is not normal. Maybe _I’m_ the one whose not normal, I never was.

“It’s late and the boy looks tired.” He motioned to Sebastián, who had his hands hooked in my back pockets. I’d hardly felt him yanking my jeans low on my hips.

What was I to do?

I sighed picking him up; after all if they were going to kill us they would have done it already. At least I was hoping…

I nodded to him though I was still worried. Something about how he stared at me gave the impression he could read minds. I had to shake my head at that. Really, how tired was I?

He tried to smile, at least I thought it was a smile, it really looked more like a grimace, as if he’d gotten a cramp or something. I think I frowned because he turned picking up my duffel bag and headed inside. I hesitated before following him.

“Oh, so she gets to stay even though she’s hitting everyone?” I glanced over my shoulder at the skinny black guy. I made sure he noticed the once over before I said; “I only hit you.” I arched my eyebrow and smirked.

Childish?

Oh, for sure.

Smart?

I'm still waiting on that.

I could hear them argue, the skinny girl and the black guy, well; mostly it was the black guy whining about his bruised family jewels and nose. I had to admit it felt _really_ good to beat up on someone. My smile turned into a grimace and as I touched my face. I couldn’t help wishing I hadn’t let him hit me.

Right, because I had a choice.

It fucking hurt!

“The room is up here.” The man in black, Angel, walked ahead of us up the stairs and down a hallway on the second floor. By now I was carrying Sebastián, who weighs a ton and a half, while he slept. His arms and legs dangled heavily as I walked, bouncing off my thighs and arms.

Damn, what I wouldn’t give to sleep like he does. Deep, heavy slumber with no dreams or if there are very happy dreams. That’s all I ask for tonight. No dreams, none at all and no memories to plague me…

“It’s not ready for guests.” Angel looked embarrassed to say that. I looked into the room and saw a clean bed with sheets and pillows. I turned to him.

“It looks good to me. Thank you.”  And I meant it too.  Even with the busted lip and bruised body I was grateful to have a place to lay our heads tonight. Not so much with the- the-. God, let this be some- just something that won't be in the morning.

He left closing the door behind us. After that I don’t remember much until I woke up and that is another headache among the many I expect Sebastián to give me.


	3. Woman to Woman

**Not everyone is happy to have the uninvited guests at the Hyperion. The question now is how are they going to deal?**

“Gunn, have you been picking fights again?” Cordelia leaned on the front desk watching his face darken. This was one of the few times she was able to embarrass him and there was no way she would let the opportunity pass by. She pushed away from the counter shaking her head.

“No…” Cordelia stopped and uncrossed her arms to point a finger. “Wait, didn’t you get beat up by a girl?”

Gunn turned away sulking and she couldn’t help it, the giggles just spilled out. She turned to follow him trying to stop laughing and apologize at the same time when the little boy jumped the three steps and looked up at them.

Cordelia stared curiously at the little boy. “Is this…part of the package from last night or is Angel Investigations taking in orphans?”

Gunn crossed his arms. “He’s with her.” He said over his shoulder still staring at the little boy.

“You hit my mom.”

Cordelia glanced at Gunn who had uncrossed his arms and dropped his tough guy pose. She wasn’t sure what he would say so she stepped around him and smiled down at the boy.

“Hi. Umm, what’s your name?” Cordelia lowered herself so he could look in her eyes.

“Sebastián.” He tilted his head to the side staring at her. Cordelia let him look taking in his little face. His cheeks were still softly rounded as well as the rest of his features. He had the longest lashes she’d seen on a boy and his eyes were a deep dark brown. They were almond shaped but pulled longer so as to give them a bit of an Asian look. He pulled on his lip biting it thoughtfully. By his height she guessed he was probably 8 or 9 years old.

“Where’s your mom?” she asked.

“Sleeping.” At his answer Cordelia arched her eyebrow and stood up. What kind of mother did he have?

Sebastián turned to Gunn once more. “You’re not supposed to hit girls.” He said sounding very much like an adult. Cordelia almost smiled at the serious frown on his face. 

***

 ********

I woke up with a pounding in my head and groaned. I knew what kind of day I was going to have and I wished it were over already. Days like this… they tended to become extremely painful. Physical pain is not the problem, its more the…emotional- okay so maybe its just memories that bug me.

“Hate migraines.” I grumbled getting up from the bed. I stumbled to the bathroom and washed my face pushing my hair out of the way. I wasn’t about to pull it up the way my head felt at the moment. I began to brush my teeth and glanced into the room. I frowned and rinsed my mouth before going back in there.

“Sebastián?” he was either hiding under the bed or he wasn’t there and if he wasn’t in the room that meant he was out in the hotel somewhere.

“I swear cabron…” I slowly got on my knees, everything hurt, and looked under the bed.

Nothing.

“Dammit!” I slipped on a pair of sandals and hurried out of the room still wearing my pj’s. I’d be embarrassed if anyone saw me in the little black shorts and red tank but I was more worried about finding Sebastián.

I got lost and ended up in a section of the hotel that was either falling apart or under construction. Plastic sheets hung on walls; buckets and furniture were strewn about. It was all a big mess. I knew construction sites were dangerous but a little boy would find this very tempting and I knew Sebastián. He’d spent the first seven years of his life around this, going to one site after another with Gramps or an Uncle…

“He so better not be here.”

I had to retrace my steps a couple of times in order to get to my room and ended up by the lobby staircase. I didn’t see anyone so I ran down the stairs.

“Sebastián?” I called out looking down so I wouldn’t fall. When I glanced up his head popped up from the round chair thing they called a couch.

“Mom!”

“Que haces a qui?” I hissed as I walked towards him. “Haven’t I told you not to wander off? What if something happened to you? Si te roban?” I grabbed his arm and pulled him closer. My head was pounding and I'd been more worried than I’d want to admit especially when I thought of last night.

“He’s fine. He’s been here. With me.”

She startled me.

I hadn’t expected anyone to be in the lobby since I hadn’t seen or heard anyone but still that never meant we were alone. That was something I shouldn’t have forgotten.

“Oh.” I remembered what I was wearing, how little of it there was and stood Sebastián in front of me. I knew I was blushing, feeling embarrassed. Here I was standing in the lobby having got right out of bed with my hair a tangled mess in front of this tall dark haired woman who totally looked like she had her life well in hand.

“I’m sorry if he bothered you.” I apologized then glared down at Sebastián.

“He snuck out on me.” And to him I hissed; “Didn’t I tell you not to leave the room?” I began to hedge towards the steps pulling Sebastián along.

“We’ll just get out of your way. I’m not exactly dressed-.” I smiled faintly and looked down at myself. Jesus I was so not dressed to meet the rest of this group!

“I agree.”

I glanced at her sharply. Had I heard her correctly? She looked me up and down then at Sebastián, who I noticed had changed his clothes. Not just _changed_ but actually put on jeans, sneakers and a dark gray skulls t-shirt. I ran my hand over my hair and looked behind me. The stairs were so close I could run up them but she had insulted me.

I turned to glare at her again. I was going to say something rude, more than a little sarcastic when she spoke.

“He’s a handsome boy. So, he gets his looks from you?”

I looked at her, not liking her so much. She complimented him but insulted me and so craftily, too.

“He gets the shape of his eyes from his father and his height. The rest is all me.” I pushed Sebastián towards the stairs but he stubbornly refused to go up. Instead he stayed by the banister looking at this woman.

 _You little brat, you’re at it again. I can’t believe this little flirt!_

I was more than annoyed at this point and I pointed up the stairs staring down at him hard. “Up. Now.”

Still he tested me and of course this meant The Mom had to come out.

“One.” I could practically see his little brain working, wondering if he should go now or wait.

“Two.” He hesitated just a little more and once he saw me begin to say ‘three’ he ran up the stairs. Feeling more than satisfied yet still annoyed I turned to this woman who now openly regarded me with some dislike. Really, after the fight last night I was itching to go at it again and I didn’t care that she was taller than me or probably stronger. It would be easy to get at her; she had her arms crossed while mine weren’t. My arm twitched and I could feel my nails digging into my palms.

“Thank you.”

Oh man! I turned to the stairs and went up feeling a wrenching pain with every step.

 _I really, reallywant to hurt her._

“She’s such a bitch!”

***

 ****

“Sorry, I’m late.” Wesley stepped in fumbling with some books. “Bloody traffic.” He mumbled coming down the steps.

Cordelia uncrossed her arms and went back to her desk. “It’s that gory, huh?” she waved to the little boy and Wesley, seeing her, looked up and caught a glimpse of Phade.

“Who was that?” he glanced up at the stairs once more but the girl was gone. He’d only caught a glimpse of her back side and long black hair as she ushered the boy down the hall.

“A guest.” Cordelia shrugged then began to type. The clickety-click of the keyboard would eventually annoy him.

“We’re taking in guests?” Wesley wasn’t sure what had changed since the night before.

“Apparently.” Cordelia stopped typing and leaned her elbows on the desktop. “She tried to beat up on Gunn.” She looked over her shoulder then leaned forward to whisper. “He’s still in pain. There’s a definite limp…” she let the rest of the sentence hang.

Wesley had no idea what she was alluding too but figured it was just Cordelia being Cordelia.

“Does Angel know?”

Cordelia blinked wondering if he’d even heard a word she’d said.

“He was there!”

Wes shook his head. “Where? Cordelia, does he know she’s here?”

Cordelia rolled her eyes sighing with exaggeration. “Of course he does. He’s the one who invited her.” She waved in the general direction of the stairs and went back to her typing.

“Invited?” he asked. “Is she…?”

Cordelia shrugged. “I don’t think so. Sebastián didn’t mention her being allergic to the sun and she’s not pale.”

“Sebastián?” Wesley wished Cordelia would just speak normally for once.

“Her son.” Cordelia replied then stopped typing again. “He’s such a cute boy. Normally I wouldn’t bother with kids but he’s such a handsome little boy. He’s definitely a flirt. Girls will love him.” She got up taking a set of files to the cabinet. “I know my fellow heartbreakers when I see them.”

***

 ****

Wesley made his way into Angel’s office and stopped in front of the desk to take off his glasses. Angel watched him wipe the lenses and set his mug of blood down. He knew by his actions that this would take a while.

“Angel.” Wes began. “About this girl you ‘invited’. Do you really think that was wise?” Seeing that Angel’s expression stayed the same he continued. “She has a child and from what I heard she’s a bit…” he searched for a good word for her. “Explosive. Did she really hit Gunn?”

Angel barely inclined his head. Wes stood expectantly before his desk and it irked him that Angel’s expression stayed the same.

“Good god man, we’re attacked all the time!” he paced the length of his desk. “If it’s not Wolfram and Hart it some other demon. Do you really think it safe for a child?”

Angel sat up and leaned his arms on the desk looking at Wesley.

“It’s temporary. She’s also human.” He kept his eyes on Wes then took the mug in his hands and reclined comfortably to drink.

Wesley turned to the door at the sound of voices. Both he and angel made their way to the door.

***

 ****

I ran after him, both of us laughing. It felt good to run around like a kid at least I was over the wanting to kick some one’s ass. Okay so maybe not completely over.

Sebastián made a quick turn and I missed grabbing his shirt collar.

“Hey! Ven aqui!” I feinted right and he went left then ran around the couch.

“Nah, nah! Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!” he taunted me still laughing hysterically. Man, what it was to be a kid. His laughing made _me_ laugh just to see his crazy faces. I stopped trying to catch him and turned to the door.

“I guess I’ll go by myself. Bye…” just as I knew he would, he came out from behind the couch and ran towards my legs shouting.

“No! No, no. I want to go too!”

I turned to catch him. “Ha! I got you!”

Sebastián squealed happily still giggling as he turned to run away from me. We just didn’t get a chance to run around like chickens without our heads as much as we used to. I made another grab at him and missed his arm but this time I got his collar. Then the little sneak surprised me. Instead of pulling away as usual he turned into me. I tried to stop from running him over and ended up getting tangled up. I could feel us falling down and I was scared I’d hurt him. Some how I managed to turn so that he fell on top of me. We both started to laugh and as I sat up I saw two figures.

Hastily getting to my feet and pulling Sebastián up I turned to both men feeling very embarrassed. I mean, it just looked as though I had no manners and by extension neither did Sebastián.

“I’m sorry about the noise.” What the hell was wrong with me acting like some little punk with no manners? Didn’t I always tell Sebastián nobody liked ugly little boys who couldn’t behave?

 _Great example, PJ._

Angel shrugged. “It’s not a problem.”

I saw him turn to the man next to him. “This is Wesley. You’ve already met Gunn and Fred.” I turned to look over my shoulder and sure enough the tall black guy and the skinny white chick were coming down the stairs. I inclined my head acknowledging them before I gave my attention to Angel. The man, Wesley, was rubbing his side as he hastily stepped forward extending his hand.

“Yes, a pleasure.”

He took my hand in his. I liked that it wasn’t some weak, wobbly handshake and I smiled at him. His voice was a pleasant surprise as well, he had an accent.

“Phade Vartan. This is my son Sebastián.” I pulled him forward resting my hands on his shoulders.

Of course I had noticed Angel’s good looks and now I was noticing this other man but as usual, my initial reaction of: _Hmm, handsome._ Turned into: _Eh._ All in a matter of seconds.

Sad isn’t it? When a woman can look at a ruggedly handsome man and not even get tingly or in Angel’s case, a dark mysterious stranger?

Truthfully I'm just not into the whole dating thing. It’s a waste of time, for me anyway. I don’t want to deal with another person that has no blood ties to me. Hell, I don’t want to deal with my blood relatives either.

Off to the left a door closed and then the dark woman from earlier in the morning sauntered in.

“This is Cordelia.”

She pretty much brushed my presence aside.

“Yeah, we met.” She didn’t even look at me! Sebastián pushed my hands off him and I realized I had been slowly squeezing his shoulders.

Damn that woman pissed me off.

Have you ever met anyone you just don’t like the moment you see them?

It happens all the time to me.

“We’ll get out of your way.” I turned to leave.

“Are you going for a punk look or what?” she asked me.

Really, the chick was pushing it.

She was looking me over and I looked at myself again. The black t-shirt I wore was a tiny bit on the small side but I liked the star and military bars on the right shoulder sleeve. My jeans had a rip on the left knee and I wore black all stars. I glanced at the leather cuff on my wrist but other than that I really wore no fancy gear. Not so she would think I was some kind of punker. I mean my air was one color, black, and I wasn’t wearing any make up, well besides the black liner.

She liked to insult me, which was obvious and I wasn’t about to let her think it was ok.

“You know, comfort is key.” I said taking a step towards her. Hooking a thumb in my jean pocket I could feel the waist pull low on my hip.

“Chains, spikes, leather-pleather, what ever. It’s not my thing.” I looked her over and arched an eyebrow. “It’s the snotty ones who like it that way.”

Her mouth tightened just a little and I smiled. Before she could think of something else I pushed Sebastián to the door and waved to the others as we left.

Now on the path I let out a sigh and looked down at Sebastián.

“Portos potato balls.”

***

 ****

“I don’t like her, Angel.” Cordelia turned to him with a frown, her arms crossed. He knew this was going to turn into an argument and he wasn’t looking forward to it.

“Yes, well I think she’s charming.” Wesley cleared his throat fidgeting with his collar.

“You would.” Cordelia turned her glare on him.

Angel tried to sneak into his office quietly while the others argued. Gunn complained about her and Wesley defended her but Cordelia wouldn’t back down even when Fred tried to explain Phade’s actions.

As he was about to sit in his chair the arguing gravitated towards him. Sighing he got up and threaded his way out of the office and into the lobby.

***

 ****

I could hear them arguing as we went up the steps. They didn’t notice when I opened the door or as we went in. I don’t think they realized we had come back so soon. The first to look up from the huddle they had formed was Fred. Her mouth fell open and her eyes widened. She must’ve pinched Gunn because he pulled his arm away from her.

“Hey!” Gunn followed her line of sight to me and went silent. The others turned to us and also fell silent. It was very uncomfortable watching them watch me and if I hadn’t known what they were discussing I had a feeling the subject had been me.

“We brought snacks.” I raised the pink box and hurried down the stairs to set it on the front desk. Once I put it down I had to turn around and walk to the stairs. My sight stretched out like a tunnel and it made it seem as if they were further away. Believe me when I say it was the longest walk I ever took.

“We’ll let you get back to-.” To what? Talking about me?

None of them spoke but Cordelia’s expression did it for them. I had done something to her without realizing it but I was tired of trying to figure out other people’s thoughts. Disliking me was her problem and it didn’t necessarily have to be mine.

“Good night.”

***

 ****

Fred opened the box and turned to them with a bright smile. “Chocolate!”

Cordelia arched her eyebrow. “She’s trying to sweeten us up.”

Angel watched her go to the box and look in. Fred was eating the little heart shaped cake.

“Maybe you could let her stay a little longer…” Cordelia turned to them wiping green frosting from the corner of her mouth. Seeing the look on Angel's face Cordelia shrugged. “I love chocolate mint.”


	4. Sing for Me

**_Phade never did like being put on the spot, she didn’t like being ordered around either something the other members of AI were beginning to learn. So far things had gone from worse to much worse as far as she was concerned so what else could go wrong?_ **

****

My routine was very simple the first week. Get up, get dressed, get out, get breakfast, get him to school and look for a place to live or get to an interview. Get, get, get… I could see no end to it and today, of all the days I could’ve forgotten my portfolio, I had a very important interview. Granted if I did get the job I would still have to live in a hotel for a couple of weeks but at least there would be money coming in.

And why was I still there? I don’t know. As far as I knew Angel was the ‘boss’ and he hadn't told me to leave. Of course I was still paying for our room and there was no sign of the green… I was ready to believe it had all been in my head.

I pulled over and hurried into the Hyperion. Wesley and Cordelia were arguing as I went up the stairs. I couldn’t imagine anyone not arguing with her and felt sorry for the boyfriend if she even had one.

“I should talk.” I hadn’t been able to get by without arguing with Sebastián’s Father at all. Sebastián was lucky to be born at all.

“It’s not working!”

“Well, it bloody wont if you keep pressing all the buttons!”

I couldn’t believe they were still at it. I could hear them arguing even before I reached the stairs. Should I sneak out or would they even notice? They hadn’t paid any attention when I walked in.

“You’re the genius, fix it.”

“I don’t exactly deal with computers, Cordelia.”

“I thought all Watchers dealt with complicated things?”

The sarcasm in her voice just grated on my nerves and I wondered if it were the same for Wes.

With my portfolio in hand I went down the steps as quickly as I could without tripping over my heels, curious.

“Ex-Watcher. We deal with the demonic and supernatural not the technical.”

“Then go back to your dusty books! I don’t know why all Watchers are against computers. Where’s Fred when I need her. She could fix it.”

I stopped on the bottom step hesitating between the door and the lobby. What the hell was a ‘Watcher’ and whom did they watch?

So what if I was ignoring the other comments. I just couldn’t deal with those- no.

“You’ve only socialized with Giles and myself.”

“And he got fired too.”

I cleared my throat and both jumped in surprise. Cordelia quickly recovered turning to Wesley.

“You britts can’t keep anything under wraps! It’s a wonder the Watchers Council kept you as long as they did.”

Wesley was uncomfortably looking from me to her but at her comment he turned to glare at her.

“Cordelia, you are not helping diffuse the situation by divulging more information.”

For the first time I saw someone actually shut her up. It was good to see but that meant I wasn’t getting anymore ‘free’ information. Wesley turned to me fidgeting.

“Hello. Err, how long-.”

“Have I been standing here listening to you bicker because neither knows how to fix the PC?” I finished for him and at his nod I replied:

“Long enough to hear you’re an ex-Watcher and assume you were ‘relieved’ of your position for reasons I didn’t get to hear?”

I left it open for a possible answer and seeing that I wasn’t going to get one I asked a direct question instead.

“Watcher’s Council. What is that?” Again I waited but they only glanced at each other.

“Fine.” I walked towards Cordelia. “And you can’t fix the PC. What’s wrong with it?”

Cordelia huffed as I went past them. She pointed to the screen obviously annoyed. “Like you can fix this?”

I didn’t say anything just clicked the mouse then moved it. Nothing, the PC was frozen. At first I thought she had too many windows open and the PC didn’t have enough memory to deal with all of them. The screen was cross-hatched and some of the windows were blank. I sighed, took off my light brown suit jacket and laid it across the desk as I pulled the chair out of the way.

I was a little embarrassed as I got to my knees. The blouse I wore with the suit was made of a light gauzy material and left my back almost bare, especially since I had put my hair up in a fancy twist. The thin straps cris-crossed over my back and the front was cut in a geometric pattern. So what if it wasn’t exactly the kind of thing you’re supposed to wear to an office? As long as the jacket stayed on I looked very presentable.

“What are you doing?” I flinched hearing Wesley’s voice so close. I glanced over my shoulder at him as I pulled the tower out to check the plugs.

“Checking to see that the mouse and keyboard are still plugged in.” I looked at the back of the tower and wiggled the plugs. Everything was in place, not a plug loose.

 _Damn, it has to be restarted._ I got up turning to Cordelia. This was going to be a pain. I could already tell she didn’t like my butting in. Well, too bad. I wasn’t the one who froze the PC. And I hadn't been the one giving away secrets.

“How do you usually turn off the computer when you’re done with all the work?” I sat in the chair and rolled to the screen not bothering to look at her though I noticed Wes turn to her with a smirk.

“I did read the manual.” In a huff Cordelia went around me and pointed to the glowing button on the tower. “I push the on/off button.”

“Great.” I sighed. Was the blond die getting in her brain? I re-started the PC and waited for it to boot up.

“You’re crashing your PC when you do that.” I told her. “From now on go to the **Start** menu and **ShutDown**.”

“But you just did it. You pushed the glowy button.”

Patience. I had to have patience with this one or I could just walk out and let Fred deal with her. That was the better choice.

 _I’m better than this so my ass is going to stay right where it is until this computer works-._

The screen blinked on.

“I thought you read the manual, Cordelia.” Wesley’s snide remark did its job and they began to argue again. I sighed and rolled my eyes. They were worse than children and I was more than happy I only had one to deal with.

I went through all the icons on her desktop then used the ‘ **Ultra WinCleaner’** to get rid of anything she didn’t use and opened the window that listed the last files she had in use and opened them.

 _Is she a comic geek?_

There were pictures of weird looking monsters and some ugly looking things. She’d had about six windows open with all these things in it and then a big bold caption caught my attention. I pointed the mouse and it opened up.

“Demons and Hell hounds…” I read. There was an illustration of a demon horde dismembering humans.

“What the hell is this?” the next screen was worse as the illustration depicted a winged creature carrying away a woman and on the ground the artist had drawn a baby missing an arm and another child with its stomach ripped open and its gut spilling out-! What the hell had I walked into!

“What the hell are you people!” I turned to look at them horrified. Then suddenly Wesley grabbed my shoulders and pulled me out of the chair. I squealed in surprise. Okay so maybe I yelped I don’t know! The point being he pulled me out of the chair like I weighed nothing more than a feather and he didn’t look to be that strong in the first place.

For a moment I did wonder if he would… well, never mind.

“We’re extremely grateful for your help…” Wesley put himself between me and the desk while Cordelia hurriedly took my place.

“What?” He was pushing me out of the area behind the counter and I stumbled. He still held me by my shoulders so I didn’t fall but he pissed me off. It all made me angry because I wasn’t the little girl they used to tell was crazy.

“What kind of work do y’all do?” I let him take most of my weight and stomped on his foot. He yelled and squeezed my upper arms, which made it a little harder to shove him off.

He clung to the reception desk while I stomped over to Cordelia. I noticed the computer screen was blank.

I glared at them both and stood with my hands on my hips.

“Demons? Are y’all like Lorne? Do you worship the devil? Is this like some cult thing?” I saw Cordelia’s smile and it just royally pissed me off. She wasn’t helping me keep from slapping that smile off her very made up face.

I hate girls who wear lots of make-up. I hadn’t noticed before how much foundation she wore.

“WHAT!” Really, I just couldn’t _not_ yell at her. And thinking about what happened before-.

“We kill demons.” I turned around so fast I think I got whiplash.

Angel stood at the top of the stairs looking down at us impassively. I wondered if he had another facial expression.

“You don’t seriously expect me to believe that.” I crossed my arms over my chest defensively. Angel came down the stairs to stand in front of me.

“You’ve seen Lorne.”

I opened my mouth to argue the point but I had no logic with which to fight him. I _had_ seen Lorne and I couldn’t pretend he didn’t exist. How could I when he wandered all over the hotel singing and humming, always with a different colored drink in hand?

Yes, I had seen him twice already and for some reason Sebastián wasn’t afraid of being alone with- with- It!

He took advantage of my silence and explained about Wolfram and Hart. I listened patiently trying to understand what he said but how could I? An evil law firm controlling L.A.

Really?

“You want me to believe evil lawyers have people signing their souls away. That they work for the devil and nobody else knows this but you guys. And you’re all…” I looked at them each in turn. Angel still wore the same expression. Wesley had limped over to another chair and Cordelia sat at her desk plainly enjoying my disbelief and discomfort.

“You’re the good guys.” I scoffed. “Modern type warriors fighting the fight against evil.” I closed my eyes and sighed. I so wanted to be crazy just then. I wanted what my sisters and brothers had said to be true so badly. “So, what? You’re champions for the Powers That Be. Some kind of God like race who say this is what your job on earth is? Your purpose for being?”

Wesley sort of looked into his lap and wiped his glasses. I noticed he did that a lot. Angel shifted uncomfortably when I looked at him. He-they, _they_ obviously believed this. They really did.

But did I?

***

"The girl obviously hates me!" Lorne exclaimed. He got up and walked towards the door but Angel quickly blocked his way.

"She doesn't hate you, Lorne. She…" Angel glanced at the door where Wesley waited with Phade in the other office. "…doesn't know you."

Lorne rolled his eyes clearly not believing that. "Angel cakes! Calling me a 'devil' doesn't mean she loves me either."

Angel impatiently led the green demon to a chair.

"Look. I need to know if she's working for Wolfram and Hart or some one else." He began to pace the length of the office with a frown.

Lorne gave a long-suffering sigh and threw his hands up. "Fine."

««««« »»»»»»

I walked in followed by Wesley. I felt as if I were going before a firing squad and didn't like the feeling. Lorne was at the other end of the office staring at me. Every one was staring at me and I didn't like that either. What the hell was going on?

"Do you work for Wolfram and Hart?"

"Huh?" I turned to Lorne then looked at Angel. My face felt hot and my chest tight. How could they accuse me of being a spy for some law firm I had never heard of?

"Are you kidding me? I don't even have a job, how am I supposed to work for them?" I turned to Angel stepping forward. "I didn't know they even existed until you brought them up!"

Que cojones-. How did I ever think of Angel as a nice guy? Just because he let us stay- ha!

"There's your answer." Lorne began to walk out of the office waving at Angel. "Have a nice day." He smiled at me and I frowned. What was so amusing? This demon was-. My God I'm in a hotel with a demon! That should be enough to _leave_!

At the door Wesley blocked his way out. He stood tall with his arms crossed over his chest. He looked very impressive, throwing off this strong, quiet vibe. I liked.

"Read her, Lorne." Angel's voice was firm and I turned to him.

"Read me?" I asked. What the hell did that mean? Read me. Like a fucking book, read?

"I can tell if you're lying when you sing. I pretty much get a peek at your future so go ahead. Pick a tune." Lorne sat on the edge of the desk and waited for me to sing.

What the hel-.

"So, I'm a liar?" I turned to glare at them all. I was getting angrier every moment I was in there. When I stomped to the door Wesley stepped in still quietly blocking my way out and I couldn't go around him either. I hated having to look up at him; even with my heels I only reached his shoulder.

"I'm not some fucking parrot you offer a cracker to do a trick!" I yelled turning to Angel. I crossed the room and sat down in the chair with my arms crossed over my chest to wait them out. I was fuming and I wasn't going to give in. There was no way I was going to sing.

***

 _  
**"Tanto tiempo disfrutamos de este amor, nuestras almas se acercaron tanto así, que yo guardo tu sabor, pero tu llevas también, sabor a mi."**   
_

It was only the first verse and I still felt angry. I knew I wasn't a singer, I couldn't even hold a melody on my own but I could follow it if someone else sang it. I'd done some choir classes in high school. Aunt Luc had loved to sing and Uncle RJ… but it wasn't like that anymore. They weren't here and Uncle RJ had been biased. I don't sing like an angel…

 _  
**"Si negaras mi presencia en tu vivir, bastaría con abrazarte y conversar, tanta vida yo te di, que por fuerza tienes ya, sabor a mi."**   
_

I really hated giving in because it just seemed like I was saying they were right to think me a liar. Then I thought Angel might just send me packing before my week was up if I didn't prove them wrong and I knew I wasn't a liar. The singing though… that was the embarrassing part. I've never pretended to be a singer and right now I just wanted to do good enough that I didn't embarrass myself. I was so glad I took that voice class with Yoly in college. The breathing exercise and the way he made us stand in class just came back, as if I'd just been in class.

 _  
**"No pretendo ser tu dueño, no soy nada, yo no tengo vanidad, de mi vida doy lo bueno, soy tan pobre, que otra cosa puedo mas de mil años, muchos mas, yo no se si tenga amor la eternidad, pero allá, tal como aquí, en la boca llevaras, sabor a mi."**   
_

I let the last note die out and glanced at them. Angel had the same expression he always did and Wesley looked a bit dreamy. Lorne was the only one with a huge smile on his face. He got up and clapped as he walked to me.

That was disturbing and I couldn't help but take a step back from him. It was difficult to put the past in the past, harder still to let it stay there when I looked at Lorne. It just wasn't easy.

"What?" I frowned. Why was he smiling? Suddenly he enveloped me in a huge hug. I was so surprised I didn't know what to do. Just as suddenly he let me go and turned me to face the others.

"Welcome to the family!"


	5. A Proper Welcome

_Disbelief is hardly what you'd call AI's reaction to a new champion for the Powers That Be, especially if it was 'The New Girl'._

***

Angel paced the lobby, a deep scowl on his face while Lorne sat patiently among all the chaos drinking a purple fizzing drink. As usual Cordelia was extremely vocal in her dislike of the 'new girl' as Phade had been dubbed. Wesley was on the defensive regarding her and Gunn was backing Cordelia, the painful memory of his first encounter with the new member of AI still fresh in his mind.

"You're sure she's a champion?" Angel asked smacked his lips as he set the glass down.

"I didn't say that."

"Well, what did you say, Lorne?" Cordelia turned her glare at him.

"Easy sweetie. She's a champion but not for The Powers that Be. She's someone else's baby."

Cordelia turned in a huff towards Angel. "You see? She's a spy! You should send her packing, cute kid or not. We don-."

"No, no, no, no, no." Lorne stood up and patiently tried to explain without giving away too much information. After all, it wasn't his future he'd seen so it wouldn't be fair to tell everyone else what he saw. He made it appoint not to tell the one he read what their future was. Not specifics anyway.

"She's meant to be here." Lorne turned to Angel. "To help you."

Angel didn't so much as frown though that's what he felt like doing. How was this girl supposed to help him fight the Wolf, Ram and Hart?

"This is as much for her as it is for you, Angel cakes." Lorne shook his head and as he remembered the song a small smile bloomed on his face. He headed up the stairs humming the melody of her song.

"What a lovely song. I'll have to ask her to sing it sometime."

***

I wasn't sure if I should head back to the hotel. After the 'reading', if it could be called that, I'd left to pick up Sebastián from school and drove around. I didn't know what else to do. Who was I to them? I thought about that until Sebastián said he was hungry. I'd been driving around for two hours! And I hadn't gone far.

"How about Denny's?" We were still sitting here. Sebastián had eaten and done his homework and I hadn't gotten any closer to answering my question.

Who was I to them?

Why should they care about what Lorne thought he read in my singing?

"It was a song. A stupid song." I mumbled. But it had felt like more. What if everything in my life, my past, all the bad and good got me to this point? I was different, that was obvious to me, and anyone who'd known me for the last ten years. But… how different? Enough to accept that I was meant to be there? With them?

"Can we go now? I'm bored." I glanced at him. He was bored and a bored Sebastián got antsy which meant he wasn't far from getting on my nerves.

 _This is so not a good time to piss me off._

I sighed, gave him money and sent him to pay the cashier.

What the hell was I avoiding them for? Why was I running? Every time something overwhelmed me I got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I'd run away from conflict at any given opportunity and hide like some little coward and I knew why. It was a wonder I hadn't found myself in this situation before now.

I tended to avoid unpleasant feelings, I didn't like thinking about the past and most nights I slept fitfully trying to push those thoughts into the darkest corners of my mind. I'd done this to myself, turned into such a coward…

 _I wasn't like this. I wasn't such a coward, afraid of my own shadow._

I missed the old me. Happy, outgoing, feisty and such a troublemaker! Always arguing, always getting myself into jams just to see if I could get myself out and I would, too. It had been so much fun, before…

Where had my spirit gone? _I don't want to go back there._

 _I don't like how it feels, how they look at me. They don't even like me!_

And who where they to make me feel this way? Why was I letting them? Not every one had to like me they just had to know I wasn't easy to fuck with. Cordelia would definitely be the first to find that out if she kept up with her sarcastic comments. Damn, that woman! Damn me.

I was loosing control of myself. Ever since the fight and I couldn't afford to let go. I needed to stay in control. I was afraid I'd never get it back if I did.

"It's none of their business who I am or what I do. I'm there for the week and that's it. Se acabo." I felt a little better saying that out loud. Tomorrow I would start my temp job and even though it was only for the month at least I had some money coming in. We'd still have to live in a hotel for a couple of weeks but I'd have him.

I glanced at the passenger seat and smiled. I hadn't wanted to be a Mother, to bring a child into this world to suffer. Now that he was here I couldn't remember what life was like before him, what it would feel like without him and I'd been young too.

 _I do the darndest things for you and you don't know it, do you?_

I didn't' like being around people all the time. Too many and it was just annoying after a while. I liked being alone, except for him. Somewhere in my life I closed myself off to people and I liked it this way. There was no pretending to be happy or hiding how I felt behind some perky little mask. It was so tiring and I was forced to do it everyday, at least for the next month.

I mean really, pasting a fake smile on my face and working in some office whether it was clerking or receptionist wasn't what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Then again I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with it anyway. Taking pictures wasn't getting me anywhere either.

I had no close friends and I never stayed at a job long enough to make any, I doubted anyone would remember me. I'd never met any of my neighbors at any of the places we had lived and I was uncomfortable around Sebastián's teachers. I avoided joining any of the parent groups and only attended parent's night and any teacher conference I was asked to go to.

I realized I was a modern day hermit. Although the term 'Hermit' doesn't really apply when you interact with people on a daily basis. But it wasn't my choice. I had a child to feed and clothe, keep a roof over his head. I need money for that and in order to get money I have to work. Therefore, forced to interact.

***

Angel knocked on her door and waited patiently for her to answer. He could hear her moving in the room and hesitate by the door. She'd been avoiding them since Wednesday. He had given her two days to come out, tomorrow was Saturday and after Sunday he wasn't sure she'd stay. No one had made her feel welcome, something Fred had pointed out yesterday.

"When y'all rescued me form Pylea you gave me a home." Fred looked at Angel with those big brown eyes of hers.

"You took me shopping and bought me clothes." Fred turned to Cordelia who sat with both arms and legs crossed. She was obviously not liking where the conversation was going.

"Here she is with a sweet little boy," Fred continued. "She's obviously not feeling very welcome and you want her to leave?"

No one looked up.

"Alright, so she panicked!" Fred threw her hands up.

"So she hit you." Fred told Gunn who jerked up right at the mention of his painful meeting with _her_.

"And she called you a 'devil'." She told Lorne who frowned. He swirled the purplish drink in his hand and gulped it down. Fred looked at all of them; so far they weren't warming up to her speech.

"She was protecting her child! Even you can understand that?" Fred asked Cordelia but her expression didn't soften one bit.

"Wanting to protect some one you love?" Fred turned sad eyes to Gunn. Wasn't any one going to back her?

"There are some suites on the third floor…" Wesley's soft voice brought a little smile to her face with his suggestion.

"Some have a kitchen." Fred looked at Lorne the smile growing wider. He looked a bit uncomfortable. "The kid has to eat, doesn't he?"

"It probably needs paint." Gunn grumbled form his seat. He kept hearing the kid in his head. _'He hit my mom.'_

"At least do a background check on her! How do we know she's not some serial killer hiding out." Cordelia exclaimed. Everyone turned to Angel.

***

I opened the door hesitantly and groaned inwardly when I saw Angel.

"Hi."

I nodded wondering what he was doing there. He looked uncomfortable and so was I but I hoped that short one-word answers would make him leave quickly. I had been really good at avoiding them and after Sunday they wouldn't have to suffer my presence any longer. At least I'd still have the temp job.

 _Twelve dollars an hour for answering phones and filing papers, yippee!_

Angel cleared his throat and I realized he'd said something.

"I'd like to show you something. Please?" he asked. I realized he wanted me to follow him and looked down at myself. I so wasn't dressed to wander around anywhere.

"Now?" I asked glancing over my shoulder to the bed. Sebastián was sound asleep but that didn't mean he wouldn't wake up and wander off to explore. I turned to Angel once more but he hadn't moved and he didn't look as if he were going to leave any time soon.

"Hang on." I sighed. I left the door ajar while I grabbed the mini I had been wearing earlier and slipped on a pair of sandals. Before I left I grabbed my pillow and shoved it under the covers next to Sebastián. That would keep him from getting up.

Angel stepped away from the door as I came out and waited while I locked it. I wasn't about to take any chances with my boy. Then I turned and motioned for him to lead the way.

I wasn't sure where he was taking me but I wasn't afraid. It was the middle of the night and I was wandering around an old hotel with a man I didn't know. Well, except that he apparently owned said hotel and he ran a demon killing business out of it.

 _AI. Wonder what it means._

He could've been taking me somewhere he could kill me without any one hearing me scream but somehow I doubted he was a murderer.

He finally stopped in front of a wide door. It was a deep, rich, brown color, like whisky. I loved the way it shined in the dim light and it felt smooth under my hand.

Angel opened the door; he seemed a bit shy as he motioned for me to go inside. I frowned wondering whose room this was but went in anyway.

The next room was large and it was in shambles. There were two huge windows letting in moonlight and I could see that no one lived here. Why had he brought me here?

"It needs some work but there's a kitchen and two bedrooms." he turned to the kitchen and I followed after him not understanding what he was saying.

"There's a pantry. I think it's a pantry and this is the bedroom." He opened the door and stepped out of the way so I could look inside. I didn't know what exactly was going on but I looked anyway. There was another door in the room, open, and I could see the corner of a bathtub.

"What-. Huh?" I turned back to the door way but he wasn't there. What the heck was going on?

I glanced at the kitchen once more, it was big enough to cook in and have a large dining table in it. I turned seeing in my mind the colors and furnishing that I would put in it. I imagined myself cooking in the kitchen, sitting down with Sebastián to eat on our big table, putting groceries away in a big double door refrigerator.

"This is the other bedroom." I turned surprised. He was standing inside a doorway, off the living room.

"I don't understand…" I said walking to the other room. He moved aside for me and I stepped in. He always kept his distance, now that I thought about it. It was strange but then I looked in the room. This bedroom was bigger than the other one with a mirrored door I assumed was the closet. To my left was another door. I pushed it open and fell in love with the huge bathroom.

 _Was that a Jacuzzi?_

"It needs some work but it's the only one I found with a working stove and decent enough to live in." Angel spoke from the doorway and I couldn't help showing the smile on my face.

"Wha-, why…?" I asked, hoping that what I thought he meant was actually what he meant to say but not really believing he would say it. Then again this wasn't the place I should stay or Sebastián.

"We weren't exactly welcoming." Angel walked into the living room and I followed him. "Lorne says you belong here. The least I can do is offer you a better room."

"I can't afford this." I laughed sadly. "Even in these conditions."

"It won't look this way after we're done with it." I looked at him confused. He fidgeted again and looked at me. "Gunn and Wes are bringing paint. We'll fix it up, get it ready for you. Or you could tell them what colors…"

Damn. He _was_ offering me a better room.

"I can't afford..." I looked around sadly. There was no way I'd stay here, not just because I couldn't afford such a luxury but also because my presence here wasn't wanted. How would I live comfortably? How would I fool myself into believing that it had never happened? That I wasn't some crazy person…

"We'll work something out. It does-."I turned to Angel, frowning. 'Work something out?' did I look desperate or have a sign painted over my face that said I dealt in _'arrangements?'_ What the hell was he thinking?

"No thanks." I stomped to the door, angry. I should've known better, should've realized that people don't just help you to help you. People do favors to get something in return. "I don't deal in _arrangements_. Of any kind!" I threw a last glare at him over my shoulder.

"That's not what I meant! Th- I-."

I felt his hand on my arm and turned. He'd been across the room from me and now he was here. It made no sense but I was more upset about the 'arrangement' he'd thought to make.I

turned my arm and managed to get his wrist in my hand then shoved my free palm into his chest. I didn't put all my weight behind the blow because I just wanted him to let me go and know that I wasn't the type to let herself be manhandled. I wasn't some stupid teenager and I certainly knew better.

"OW!" A flashing pain went up my arm and I found myself on my knees staring at the stained carpet. "What the fu-!" I couldn't finish the sentence, what was the point?

"Don't hesitate." He said.

"I'll be sure to remember that for next time!" I was angry and in pain. I couldn't move my arm or hit him, which is what I really wanted to do.

"Will you let go!" I hadn't seriously expected him to do it and I fell sideways when he did. I glared at him from my seat on the musty carpet as he took a step back. Either he could see my intentions on my face and he was being cautious or he just wanted to give me some space. Either way, I couldn't reach him fast enough.

"Why did you hold back?" he asked me. I got to my feet slowly and rubbed my shoulder. It would definitely be sore tomorrow.

"I wasn't going to hurt you on purpose." I hated being put in my place so to speak. I really didn't like it at all.

I couldn't tell what he was thinking; I couldn't even make out his expression as once more he wore that mask of calmness. I wondered if he ever blinked. It was strange, that he kept his distance, he was always…broody and to tell the truth I hadn't seen him outside, not after that first night. Then- wait. His hand… weird but then some people tended to have cold hands.

"You didn't use your full strength. I doubt you're that weak."

I wasn't about to answer that. Why should he know what my strength or weaknesses were?

"Where did you learn that hold?" he asked. I turned to the door again. Nothing concerning me or Sebastián was any of his business.

"I picked it up somewhere." I doubted he believed that and didn't care. It wasn't any of his business besides; it had been a long time ago. There wasn't any point in remembering the past and it wasn't as if I'd learned a lot.

So why had I even answered him?


End file.
